Tuesday, September 30, 2008

This semester is not last semester

So, I just got done with part two of my three part study of hell. I had three big projects at work that were basically all due today. I'm not sure how that worked out the way it did. I'm pretty sure it was because I am going on vacay tomorrow. Also I had a six page paper due for school today (which I actually started early woo hoo). So my day has basically been: woke up and proofread my paper, off to work for 8 hours of 'is it done yet is it done yet', off to school for discussion of hinduism, and now back home for 'finish my project' for work. I guess that's really only two parts since it's just work and school. Oh yeah, I also have a pregnant wife and two foster kids that I didn't really get to say goodbye to before we leave for florida. It may sound like I'm complaining, I'm not. I'm really just waiting for aimes to pick me up from school. ok she's here. I can't wait to be in florida tomorrow.

Oh, I got up at 3 this morning with a sick stomach. Blarg.
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Thursday, September 25, 2008

To all who think they know what tough is

I know I don't, I've been so lucky in my life. A woman runs up to the bus as we pull into the metro center, a little boy in tow. He is crying and the woman asks the bus driver how much time she has before she has to go. One minute, then we gotta go. Her son has to pee and there is no restroom anywhere nearby. She says to her son, 'you gotta hold it baby, if we miss this bus I'm gonna lose my job and we won't have anywhere to live.'. The kid sat down, tears streaming down his cheeks and looked over at me. I have never seen a kid look so sad in my life. I can't ever imagine being in a situation like that.


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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

So here I sit

Well, I haven't blogged in a while. I guess I start every post that way nowadays. I have been struggling lately. That isn't surprising, I guess, since school just started back up. Strangely though, I have been really kicking that part of my life. I've done all my reading and am already working on one of my final papers. It's the other stuff. Stuff around the house isn't getting done. I've got projects on hole everywhere I look. Rooms are a mess again, I don't understand how that happens. I think part of why school is going well is because we have a study room again. I know that sounds lame but part of my big need in life is to have specific spaces for things. My personality (disorder if you listen to the psych) is such that I go 100mph at something while it holds my attention but I get bored easily and leave it, often unfinished. I usually finish, eventually, but it surely takes longer than if I just put my head down and finished it. I think this is sort of why I can do so many things half-assed but nothing really really well. Some people are impressed that I can do 'anything' (not even close) but it just disappoints me there isn't 'something' I can REALLY do. Sing like my sister or play drums like Justin or just any number of things that 'define' other people. I wish there was something that 'defined' me other than the width and breadth of my mediocrity. Problem is, I just don't know if there is anything in the world that can hold my attention long enough for me to really excel at it. I'm hoping it's being a dad. I hope I am able to be the kind of dad that I had myself. It's probably my one great fear in life, that I'll let my kids down. For some reason, I'm also more nervous knowing that we're having at least one boy.

Well, that took a different turn than I expected it to. I guess when you blog infrequently you are subject to word vomit. I'll close now by saying that I hope I start feeling like I'm not just hanging on to life soon. There are so many things I wonder, but one of them is 'why do I always feel like I'm failing?' I would sure love to feel like I'm ahead of the curve for a while, just to see what it's like.
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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Dirty Little Secret

So, I have a dirty little secret that I want to share with all of you, my legions of followers. I spend way more time than is appropriate for a 32 year old man on Yahoo Answers. I was timid at first, until I got my first 'Best Answer'. 'Best Answer' is like crack. Once you get one really good hit...your ego takes over and you're a gonner. I think it had to do with dead car batteries. Mostly, I tear through the math and science homework forums and help kids in junior high and high school with their math homework. Occasionally I see what must be a person in college or an adult that is trying to help their kid and I chuckle. Mostly, what I really appreciate is that you can tell the kids on there 'how' to do the problems without just giving them the answers and they appreciate it. I don't know if this is an indication of my altruistic nature or if it has more to do with my long quiet desire to teach but I really do enjoy it. I think part of me is just happy that kids in jr/sr high do SOMETHING other than offend the sensibilities of every red-blooded web designer by butchering Myspace pages.

In other news, I think Claremont should really consider begging me to take a job as their technology coordinator.

That is all.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Update

Well, I went to the doctor Friday. It was a nice long visit and I had a whole list of things to share with him. He scheduled me to come back for a full physical (incidentally, why is it so hard to find a doctor who knows how to give you a physical?) and in the meantime he thinks that my stomach problems probably arise from a acid production problem. Actually what he said was, "Well, what we got here is a problem with yer proton pump." I don't know why, I thought that was funny. So I'm going to try and treat my acid problem more aggressively and he also wants me to go on a regular dose of claritin for my allergies. Also, he didn't tell me that I'm too fat. I told him that I had gained a bit of weight recently and that I hadn't really been exercising much and his response was that it was probably difficult to have much motivation to exercise when you have diarrhea 9 times a day and always feel like you have to poop. I like that.

Finally, I got a tetanus booster shot and apparently I'm one of the minority of people who reacts poorly to it (surprise surprise). I woke up Saturday with a headache, unable to move the arm I got the shot in, and spent the whole day sleeping and feeling like I wanted to vomit. I always get a little nervous when we get new foster kids and I get sick right away...I am always afraid they're going to call us one day and say, "Oh, and we forgot to tell you they have TB" or something like that. Anyways, I was somewhat comforted by the sore arm because I figured it was from the shot. I asked them at the office before they gave it to me, "Is this the one that makes your arm really sore?" and they said no...it makes me wonder if I have always reacted this way to immunizations and they just make MY arm sore.

Well, other than that it was a good weekend. I'm starting to bond with the girls, I didn't know if it would happen very quickly with these girls. They were so closed off when we got them and can barely talk (they're missing most of their teeth :( ). But, a few days being comforted by the fact that Aimes and I are going to care for them really opened them up. Aimee had youth group last night and I was alone with them and we have a great dinner, bath, and bed time. This morning they were off to school and I'm actually kind of missing them.

I'll keep ya posted, take care friends!
Chris

Friday, September 12, 2008

Doctor's Appt

So, I am finally being a grown up and going to the doctor about my stomach problems. I guess, in the end, I'll be going to the doctor about quite a few problems I've had lately. Aimee and I have been using a 'No Appointment MD" for the last few years on the rare occasion that we actually need a doctor. This is usually just for a physical to keep our foster care license but since my blood pressure problem I've had to go back for checkups and what not. We have no primary care physician. This may sound strange, but since we moved to Phoenix I've been almost paralyzed by the decision. I looked up which docs are allowed by my insurance and there are almost 300 in the valley. 300? How do you choose one? I narrowed it to our zip code and nearby zc's (there are 12 within like a 5 mile radius) and it dropped to like 30. Wow. So, yesterday I called a gastroenterologist because someone at work suggested that I might see one about my stomach problems (more later on that). I just picked one at random from the list, there are only like 8 of those, and called. They only take referrals. Called another one. They only take referrals. Ok, so I told them I didn't have a PCP and they were dead silent. I asked if they had any recommendations and they said someone on my insurance. They didn't pick a name, they literally said, "Someone on your insurance". I said, "Really, there are hundreds, how do you choose one? You must have some recommendations..." Well, they did. They recommended a 'group' nearby to where I live and so I gave them a call. They take my insurance. I said, "Great, let's make an appointment." They responded by asking which doctor I wanted to make an appt with. I was flabbergasted...I asked them who was accepting new patients. I got nervous when they named 2 docs who weren't taking new patients, and said that the 'female doctors often took a long time to get an appt with.' Now, one might think this is strange until you remember that on the phone I sound like a 17 year old girl. They suggested I go to their website and look at the doctor bios and pick the one I think I'll feel most comfortable with. I kid you not, I was looking at a list of 15 doctors and PA's and had to just pick one who would become my doctor. It was very strange, but I picked a guy who seemed like he would be ok (really, what criteria do you use?). Called up and got an appointment this morning. He was new to their group and they said they thought I would really like him. We'll see.

So, a few points to add some detail. Please feel free to skip this if you're not interested in the nitty gritty.
1. Why all of the sudden, my stomach has been an issue for years. Well, to be honest the 'growing up' thing has a bit to do with it. As I've mentioned before, I had the same doctor in Florida since I quite going to Dr. Kenniston as little kid. He was this gruff Hispanic man at Mima that told me that every problem I had was because I was too fat. Even my allergies. So, I was a bit jaded about the whole process. I guess really it's two things. I have been accumulating reasons to need a PCP for a couple of years now. The foster care thing is ok, anyone will give you a physical. But then I got put on blood pressure medicine and I really need someone to manage that aspect of my health plan. It is awkward to get refills for my meds because they don't do call ins (or faxes) there for refills. So, every 3 months I have to go to the doctor to get looked at and get a new prescription. Which costs me 90 bucks a pop. On that note, the biggest reason that I'm going is that we hit our insurance deductible which means it's now covered 100% by our insurance. We have a $5000 deductible so this is no small event. Having the baby definitely moved things alone in the ole deductible arena. I suspect we'll hit it every year now, since babies have to see a doctor like every 3 days. This alone is why our insurance scheme is screwed up and we need someone to change things. I won't use our insurance unless it's an emergency because it costs me money out of my pocket. This is a good thing, unless you're someone that believes that preventative medicine is a boon to society. Having a $5000 deductible is ridiculous, and it means you're treated like someone with no insurance. I really don't think you should be treated like a criminal when you go to a doctor's office and they realize you have a $5000 deductible that you've only met $200 dollars of (for example). Well, I'll tell you what happens. When they see you have a huge deductible, they make you pay cash. Right there, before you can leave. Do you know what it's like to go to the doctor because you have a broken leg and have them run your insurance and tell you they need $500 before you can leave because you haven't come close to your deductible. Don't worry, they say, if your insurance pays it we'll refund you the money. Yeah, don't worry until I have to pay the electric bill. Luckily we're responsible and pay into our HSA, but do you know how hard it is to have $5000 in a savings account that you can only use for medical expenses? Especially when you get screwed because you have insurance. Here is something that happens that really irritates me. A lot of the offices here in Phoenix have a separate price list if you pay cash. As in, if you have no insurance this is what you pay. It's always less than what they bill the insurance. So here's the thing with my insurance. Until we hit our deductible, we have no insurance. But, I am informed that it is 'insurance fraud' for me to tell them that I'd like to pay cash instead of use my insurance. So, for example, at the No Appointment MD an office visit is $75 dollars cash money. Unless you have insurance. Then they bill your insurance $190 for the visit, and your insurance negotiates it down to $95. That's great and all, but I then have to pay $95. This is $95 dollars that comes out of my pay check, otherwise known as real money. And I could have just given them $75 dollars at the office. This is stupid and pisses me off.

2. So really, why all of the sudden? Haven't you farted constantly for the past 12 years? Ok, this is where it gets dicey. PLEASE stop reading if you don't want the intimate details of my digestive tract. Yes, my stomach has been an issue since I was in high school. I couldn't eat in Melbourne because I would have an attack of diarrhea before I could make it back to Merritt Island. I pretty much always have gas, I can almost fart on command at any hour of the day. This makes married life wonderful. Lately, it's been much worse. I am gaining weight because I always feel horrible, I gave up Aikido primarily because of it. I stopped going to the gym primarily because of it. When I'm home lately, say in the last month, I'm just lying down trying not to be miserable. I can't eat ANYTHING without my stomach blowing up and becoming rock solid. The gas is horrible, it smells so much worse than ever and there is an awful lot more of it. I have 6 -10 BM's per day (sorry) and they are not pleasant. I don't know if you'd classify them diarrhea, but they're not normal. They are almost always accompanied by a lot of gas which doesn't help the consistency, and they are not solid. Not liquid, but not your average poo. Did I mention the smell. Vile. On top of that the indigestion has come back. I thought I had licked that years ago but now it's almost every night. I woke up one night a few weeks ago choking on stomach acid. I had to get up and puke it out and it like burned the back of my throat. Finally, my intestines feel like they're always full. When I go, it almost feels like there's a center channel where things squeeze through but there is just this whole digestive tract full of stuff stuck in there unable to move. It is so disheartening to go to the bathroom and get up feeling like you have to go to the bathroom. It's so embarrassing to pass gas in the bathroom right after having a horrible stinky poo. Ugh.

Anyways, sorry about all of that. I'm going to the doc at 10 am this morning. Hopefully some things will get answered or at least a process will begin. I'd really like that. Hopefully they don't just tell me I'm too fat.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Irony

So I don't know if this pic will come through as I'm blogging from my phone. The valleymetro busses recently added 'no taggin our wagon' signs on the inside. The thing I find ironic is that they have written the sign in graffiti lettering on a brick background. Is this sending a mixed message? Don't tag our busses, keep it to the city streets please.

It's like rain... on your wedding day.

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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Musings on the bus


Well, I haven't tried posting via mms yet, so I'll give it a shot.

Matt was here this weekend. Man I didn't realize how much I missed him until last night. Our house seems so lonely with no kids and no friends living with us. This not having any foster kids is driving me batty, but that is for another time. Making new friends isn't hard, but there is no substitute for time. I wonder sometimes if you can ever pick up 'new' versions of those old friends that remember you in braces and teased you about you first girlfriend. Just the fact that aimee, matt, and I were all at home at the same time and doing different things in different rooms is telling. It's just a different kind of comfortable I guess. Man I miss matt.

/c

 
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