Well

It's been quite an adventure so far. I'm at the hospital right now, feels like I have been here an awfuly long time. The truth is, I guess, that time is just passing so slowly. I am trying to keep the updates about the babies going on the other blog but it's hard to talk about my feelings without bringing them up. This morning I spoke to Aimee first thing and she told me that Olivia needed to go to the doctor and get checked out for jaundice. Not a pleasant turn of events. She also told me that Sarah has developed a bit of pneumonia (can you have a little pneumonia?) But her breathing had slowed a bit. Ugh. I feel like I am being tortured. It's so hard to know why this is happening, it just seems so random.

It was nice being with my other girls yesterday. I was secretly dreading our reunion but not for the reasons you might imagine. The really interesting thing about foster kids is that they all suffer from attachment disorders of one kind or another. These girls we have now are particularly afflicted. Just before they left they started showering me with "I love you" and "daddy" stuff which is hard to deal with sometimes. More than meaning they really have bonded with me, it seems to always represent an effort on their part to convince me to keep them. Then we drop them off in a beautiful home with kick ass parents, full of other happy well adjusted kids. I knew it would be bad when the time came to pick them up. Frankly, they probably would be better off with the other family. I know aimee and I do an ok job but doesn't it kill you when you meet better parents than yourself? Especially when your kids have no reason to prefer you since you're not really their parent. So they were super sad to come home with me but eventually decided to cut their losses and embrace me again. I can't tell you how strange it is to keep getting called the wrong name by your kid. Ugh. So on top of that I don't know whay I'm doing about school, how can I even think about it at this point? I will tell you, it sure doesn"t feel very important right now.

Oh well, out for now-I'm gonna go see if I can be with my baby again.
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