Sigh

So, my adventures with the doctor continue. I feel like over the last year I have gotten so old. I normally avoid the doctor, due to my long standing belief that they never help you feel any better. Well, I got over this (mainly due to the fact that I now know several doctors that I respect and trust) and got myself a primary care physician. I got myself tested at a fertility doctor. I went to the dentist (I know, that shouldn't count). I went and got new glasses (Can you believe I went 4 years with 1 pair of glasses?). I won't comment on the fact that the fertility doctor told us there was no chance we would have babies, needless to say I'm trying to be open minded. So I like my primary care physician. Let me say take a second here to say that I found all of my doctors (except the fertility doctor) on kudzu.com. I don't know if you have used this site, but it is pretty fantastic. Anyways, I like the guy. He is nice, personable, and seems to really care about my health. Most importantly he listens to me. He seems to respect my thoughts and my concerns - I know this shouldn't be surprising but I have never had a doctor like that before. It took more than 6 months before he told me to lose weight, so that is good. Let me just say it is hard to think about getting old and having health problems. As my doc put it, sometimes you wind up in the shallow end of the gene pool. We have this huge history of heart disease in our family. So I have high blood pressure, incredibly high triglycerides, and unimaginably low HDL. I am apparently a basket of suck. So I have to find some time to get some exercise - apparently I won't be walking as much anymore (no more bus riding :( ) so I am going to have to be serious about getting some cardio. I hate this.

Anyways, my mom is leaving tomorrow. I am super bummed about that. It is going to be hard. I am going to have a really hard time adjusting to life without her again. I don't know how I wound up with such incredible parents, but I thank God constantly for them. I love the relationship I have with them, it is truly something that has gotten better with time. I love that my dad and I are buds. I love that my mom and I get along so well, we are really so much alike.

OK, I hope this wasn't too crazy. Peace out everyone.

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Posted in: doctor,exercise,family

Process Discipline

So, today I realized what my life has been missing. I think that this has come to me because I have started getting a taste of it and have begun to realize how important it is to me. Discipline. When I think back, the times when I have been healthiest, happiest, most productive; I have been the most disciplined. Disciplined with what I put in my body, what I do with my body, just how I live my life. At work we might call this process discipline. It's interesting when I think about how easy it is (relatively speaking) to take in foster kids and turn their lives around with just a little bit of discipline. I'm not even talking about discipline in terms of punishment or whatever, though it is amazing how a little dose of the time-out chair will turn children around. What I am talking about is the regular discipline of bathing, eating, brushing teeth, hugging, speaking, all of the hundreds of little things that we take for granted in life. Going to bed at the same time, having a set amount of time to eat dinner, feeding the dogs every day, these seem like such small little things but when are disciplined about doing them every day they can have a transformative effect on your life, or the life of your children. I hate to make this comparison, but I think children aren't that much different from dogs in that they crave structure and discipline. Having to feed the dogs every morning seems like a chore that you would regret but for children that have never been responsible for anything or had something they can count on every single day it can literally turn their whole life around. Children obviously learn so much faster than dogs and they pass through the phase and move onto greater challenges but I think that the comparison is valid for a certain stage of life.

At any rate, this is something that I am missing in my life.  Maybe instead of referring to it as discipline, I will refer to it as living an intentional life.  It's interesting to me that this is the terminology that we use in seminary and also the same that we used in Aikido.  Aikido is really what got me thinking about it.  I was the healthiest I have ever been when I was practicing and I have been missing it lately.  I don't think it was solely the physical activity, I believe that a big part of it was the intentional manner in which I went through my daily life when I was heavy into practice.  Taking off my shoes when I enter a house and placing them neatly against the wall instead of just lumping them into a basket.  Having a regiment of movements and exercises that I did at different times during the day.  I had a class in seminary that required a certain amount of this effort as well, and it produced similar results which leads me to believe that it is not solely physical in nature.  Waking up every morning and spending a short period of time in reflection.  Having a meditation that I performed every night before bed.  I have started modifying my life to be more intentional over the past month or so and I believe it has already caused things to turn around.  Simple things like the pill box I put together has gotten me on track with my medicine and vitamins, a simple evaluation of my spending every night has resulted in us having more money, with no noticeable change in lifestyle.  Riding the bus has introduced a regularity of schedule that has caused me to be more productive at work, I think.  All in all, I am going to be looking for more discipline (intention) in my life.  I hope that I will be able to share some of the benefits with family and friends...I am notoriously lazy so I hope I can maintain.  Hopefully writing here will only help things.  

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Posted in: exercise,foster care,hobbies,school,work

Well I'm home sick today

Blargh. I feel like crap. I hate that every time the weather changes I get sick. Hopefully I'm addressing the situation though. I don't know if I wrote it on here yet, but I got some pretty unsettling news from the doctor about my cholesterol. I'm not sure how to react to it, because it doesn't make much sense to me. I'm not a doctor so I don't know exactly what it all means but my overall cholesterol wasn't too high, but my bad cholesterol was really high and my good cholesterol was kind of low. I don't know what that means overall other than I need to exercise more :) So, I am exercising more. I used to be a cardio fanatic but I have fallen out of it in the past few years so I am making the painful transition back into regular exercise. It is shameful how hard it becomes when you let yourself go. I used to pride myself in the number of sit ups I could do and how far I could push myself on the exercise bike - but now I am a pathetic slob. So, I'm back on the 'elliptical' (which I do not like as much as the bike but it's what Aimee wanted) 20 minutes a day and walking to and from the bus quite a bit. I am also doing yoga again in hopes that I can start to limber up. It's interesting what a difference I notice in myself as far as calmness and ability to really feel...I don't know, grounded?... when I'm moving and sweating. Maybe if I get to the point where I feel a little better physically I'll find some place to work out up on this side of town (like - judo or aikido or tai chi). I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for quitting the dojo where I used to go. Ugh.

Anyways, I'm home sick. I have been taking vitamins too, which is a long time coming, and trying to be more disciplined about my medicine. Now that I actually have a doctor I am going to try and stick to the regiment he has given me. He thinks he can help me treat my allergies (hah!) with a regular dose of claritin and the stomach thing with a regular dose of prilosec. We'll see, those two plus my blood pressure meds make for a delightful cocktail every day. Throw in a multivitamin and some extra vitamin c and you can start to imagine my dilemma. I mean, I can barely remember to brush my hair every day (which is why I clip it extra short) so I am horrible about my meds. Enter - the wickersham plan:

So, as depressing as this is I had to at least make it a little nerdy. Enter, Velcro:

And yes, if you look closely enough you will find the combination to our pool locks. Please don't tell the kids, I don't feel like blurring them out before posting this. I'm sick, remember?

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Posted in: doctor,exercise,foster care